The Power of Smallness

Last year I went through the most painful existential crisis of my life. It was basically an impossible-to-stop downward spiral of thoughts about death and about just how tiny my existence is. It sucked at the time more than I can convey, but has turned out to be one of the greatest things to ever happen to me.

After that crisis I started ditching everything that wasn’t making me happy and diving headfirst into the things that were.

In the past 10 months I:

  • Left my six-figure day job with zero backup plan.
  • Launched 8 different websites and shut 3 of them down.
  • Started and stopped an email list more times than I can count.
  • Moved from Delaware to Colorado with my wife, basically on a whim. Neither of us had a job out here or any “real” reason to move. We just wanted to.
  • Embraced yoga, meditation, and spirituality (even though I don’t believe in any gods). The weed probably helped.
  • Learned to cry (my tear ducts had been broken for years) and learned to lean in to people - mainly my wife - when I need them.
  • Ran a 100-mile ultramarathon.
  • Sold a website for $75,000.
  • Got rid of home internet and all social media accounts. Tried my hand at a flip-phone for a while but am not quite there yet.
  • Went on countless domestic vacations, and already have plans for Nepal in a few weeks, Thailand in February, and Iceland next summer.

None of that happens if I don’t bask in self-pity for a few days about how unfair life is.

My awareness of my smallness has not shrunk in the past 10 months. But holy crap I’ve never been happier. And I can’t envision doing less cool stuff in the next 10 months.